About the Oldsters

Elder sleuths Flossie and Sterling Silver

♦ ♦ INTERVIEW WITH FLOSSIE ♦ ♦

BREAKING NEWS! Former vaudeville magicians Flossie and Sterling Silver, the octogenarian mother and uncle of the crime-busting Silver Sister twins, went undercover at Food Broadcasting disguised as janitors.

Q. What do you think about your daughter Godiva’s advice column?

A.For centuries people have been looking up to the heavens and asking God for advice. What does my daughter do? She gives them an address! The mailman is getting a hernia shlepping all those letters to G.O.D.

Q. Are your daughters’ personalities as identical as their looks?

A.It’s like they come from two different planets, those girls. Maybe aliens kidnapped me. All their lives, if one says “black”, the other says “white”.

Q. Does solving mysteries run in the family? From what I’ve heard, you and Sterling get into some pretty sticky situations yourselves.

A. My Harry used to say that it runs in the family. A keen sense of the obvious, he called it. The first time we solved a crime it was kind of a family affair. The next door neighbor, oy vey, she had such a head of red hair, she clobbered her husband with a frozen turkey, then she put it in the oven and went shopping for a new dress. The police went looking for the killer and she brought over the turkey for us, said she was so upset she couldn't eat. We figured it out while we’re sitting there gobbling down the murder weapon. Do they ask for my help now? Are you kidding? They treat me like some useless alter cocker who ought to be sitting in a rocking chair. When I grab Sterling and we sneak out and help them, they don’t even thank us. Is that the way to treat a mother? It was fun getting the goods over at Food Broadcasting.

Q. You were married to one of the great Harrys of magic and worked in his act before his untimely death several years ago. Are you and his brother Sterling magicians, too?

A. Oy, my Harry! (He should rest in peace.) What a showman he was! That man could turn an elephant into an eggplant, you never saw such sleight-of-hand. Sterling was his foil, and I was his glamorous assistant. Of course you wouldn't know it now, but I was quite a looker in my day. Are me and Sterling magicians? Well, we can pull a few rabbits out of the hat. Comes in handy.”

Q. What do you enjoy the most at this stage of your life?

A. I get a lot of pleasure (and aggravation, too) from my beautiful daughters, and my grandchildren. They’re in show business, you know. I also get a kick out of helping my girls when they get in a pickle. Sometimes I dress up in disguises and sneak around looking for clues like we did a few weeks ago.

Q. I understand you and Sterling entertain at the Home for Hollywood Has-Beens every week. What can you tell me about that?

A. There’s not much to tell, every Thursday we go over and entertain the old folks. We take Waldo the Wonder Dog, he’s a big hit. And some of our old pals from vaudeville stop by and round out the show. Like Billy Whistle, he’s about four feet tall, plays the harmonica, and then there’s Miss Wiggles, she’s a contortionist, only these days she doesn't bend in so many places, and the Contessa, even when she was young her singing wasn't so hot. Tell you the truth, I’d rather be on stage entertaining than be forced to sit in the audience.